Why I Feel Uneasy At The Pub Or Club

Hey guys, today I'm explaining how I sometimes feel uneasy at places like the Pub or Club due to my lack of social confidence and how loud places affect me in general. I have this feeling tucked away everytime I go out as sometimes I feel it's unnecessary to waste money on alcohol that will be gone by half an hour or the following morning, all for that excitement that's yet to unfold as you hit the town or the clubs to dance/ talk with friends/ strangers (all things that I cannot follow too easily). Here I'm listing reasons why I find this all tough to cope with and worry over due to my lack of experience but also how I am slowly overcoming these barriers!

My best friend posted this link on Facebook a week ago which inspired me to write this up, thanks to how it lists many facts about clubbing that some people share (non-autistic people too)! Check it out as it's from someones point of view and tries to help others understand that not everyone wishes to go out, drink a lot, flirt with strangers and maybe regret it all the following morning while suffering a hangover!
http://www.thenationalstudent.com/Features/2013-02-26/why_ive_stopped_pretending_i_like_clubbing.html#.UvAJZF3xhP4.facebook

When I go to Pubs in town with my different groups of friends (depending on category of interest), I do my best to enjoy myself, pick out some smart clothing (that doesn't have pictures on them) and spend a bit of money on a bottle or two. But honestly sometimes I feel it's a lost cause because I would prefer to spend my time with people at a friend's house/ the cinema or play some games while chatting socially and not in a location where the rule of alcohol is required. My friends luckily don't follow that alcohol rule, but in general and for any other autistic people with friends like that may value my opinions. And luckily we hardly go to the Pub or Club as we choose to go to the Cinema a lot instead.
When I enter the Pub or rarely a Club, I feel as if I have entered another world (a world that I feel scared to move through as I walk around with a smile on my face while surrounded by close friends) because I feel I need to make a confident impression in environments like these. With all the excitement buzzing around the loud atmosphere, I can't help but feel uneasy due to how my Aspergers kicks in because I like to hear myself think or be able to talk perfectly without feeling limited or pressured.
The Aspergers Syndrome affects me badly as I prefer to concentrate on only one thing at a time and as you can guess, in a place where there's so many people and sometimes loud music, I feel scared to talk as I can't hear my friends or even myself think. Not only that, I believe it isn't necessary to always drink to have a good time. I have Crohns Disease so I don't drink a lot as I don't know what too much alcohol and me being drunk would result in? I have experienced being slightly pissed sometimes but I am glad that I don't feel pressured anymore and only drink when I want to.

I would like to reassure you that I do enjoy myself on nights out and don't put a downer on the mood luckily, I only admit these feelings in general cause I don't do this enough to consider it a normal or acceptable lifestyle at the end of the week. I would prefer to be with my friends in less crowded areas, talk easily, and be able to listen to conversations and join in. Its best for me to sit in the middle of a group of people just to feel safe and not worry about anything bad happening.

When I see people that I know vaguely or have met once, it's hard to pluck up the courage to say "hello" again, really because they may be popular or surrounded by a crowd but more like I would be invading the night and make it awkward for them as I do my best to talk confidently. But ironically most days, people are glad to see me there especially at the Pub since I have gotten better in an atmosphere like that since I turned 18. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't but I do always try to be confident around people.

My real challenge is Clubbing! I'm not used to going to clubs where music is so loud that I can't concentrate on just one thing, it's really difficult for me and I have no confidence when speaking to girls. I prefer in general to be introduced to others by a friend as it helps me break the first barrier when it comes to making new friends. Plus being surrounded by pretty women is not what happens to me a lot since I hardly go clubbing, due to the majority of my friends not wanting to go there enough. I know we would probably split throughout the night but as long as I am with someone or know where to find them then that's good enough to handle (this is what I do when I do do clubbing on some occasions!)

 

Of course I don't want my opinion to offend others if they like to have fun this way, I only wish to make others aware that not everyone can adjust or fit in so easily to this kind of social lifestyle.
Most of all, I definitely don't wish for people/ friends who know me to feel sorry or unsure about my feelings or whether to involve me at all in future nights out as I am perfectly fine with going out (so don't worry about that), it's just the whole rule/ peer pressure of drinking and social hierarchy atmosphere that gets me sometimes and the fact that when I'm alone I find it hard to cope without the company of someone to feel safe with.
Who knows, perhaps in time my fear will change and I'll be out more nights and have no worries, it's just weird at the moment due to not doing this enough to feel comfortable.

Everything I say is true, but it doesn't mean I can't have fun right? I just need more experience/ time to feel okay during nights like this as it's in our generation to go out and socialise right? (even I need to take part in that!) And I know deep down I have potential to show others that I can fit in, and I hope I've shown that since my 18th. I do enjoy myself wherever the place is and thanks to the support and comfort of my friends, I know I can have fun wherever I am!

12 Years A Slave (Film Review)

12 Years a Slave is a 2013 British-American Historical Drama Film that's an adaptation of the 1853 memoir of the same name by Solomon Northup "Chiwetel Ejiofor" (Children of Men, 2012), our protagonist who became a slave while really a free man after being tricked by white men and later sold into slavery during 1841. The story tells how for 12 years he worked on antebellum plantations in the South of America including Felicity, Destrehan and Magnolia. The story shows all the appalling conditions and lifestyle that black people suffered under horrible masters (some respectful to a degree but not enough as they were after all slave buyers).

In the film many actors were also involved playing key characters either good but mostly bad including William Ford "Benedict Cumberbatch" (Star Trek Into Darkness, Peter Jackson's The Hobbit Trilogy), Edwin Epps "Michael Fassbender" (X-Men: First Class, Prometheus), Samuel Bass "Brad Pitt" (Ocean's Eleven, Troy) and let's not forget Patsey "Lupita Nyong'o" (this film was her debut performance). So many famous actors all got a role in this masterpiece and it's better for you to see them for yourselves.

Now instead of explaining the plot and telling you everything, I want to explain my heavy thoughts on slavery!
This film couldn't have made a better impression on showing this generation and future generations to come, how we used to act during the time of having black slaves (even when I saw the film adaption of "The Help", I was disgusted to see how women treated slaves just as badly as men did). Throughout the film, my face showed nothing but anger and sadness to see a man suffer and be treated unfairly all for the colour of his skin (same goes for everyone back in that time). I know it's a film and thank goodness all is right now in our world with treating black people just as fair as white people do to each other. I am beyond grateful to know that one amazing President of America helped change a cornerstone in human reality and abolished a law that never should have existed. If I was in that time, I don't care the punishment or treason for helping black people or fighting back, it isn't right at all to treat others horribly for such poor prejudice that everyone just followed while they believed themselves to have the only power over anyone at all! (Solomon proved that once when he retaliated against someone). Same goes for other unimaginable moments in history like World War II (which I won't exaggerate any more as it has been done with!) But another film adaption just like this called "Schindler's List" is another prime example of how not everyone treats people like dirt all because of a law or tyrant! Not to mention how the Jews were abused and forced to forge Egypt's civilization. How can people feel the pleasure and right to harass other people in such religious biblically sanctioned ways or at all? ("Michael Fassbender" was a prime dick example in 12 Years A Slave! But it was slightly reassuring to see "Benedict Cumberbatch" as a relatively benevolent master and "Brad Pitt" as a nice white person who became a friend to "Chiwetel Ejiofor"!).
As you all may have guessed that I am quite passionate about what I say and believe in as I explained some thoughts from my previous posts!

Hans Zimmer orchestrated a beautiful and heart-breaking soundtrack full of string pieces that emphasised the moments including black people singing such sad songs. And well done to Steve McQueen for directing such an unforgettable masterpiece! When I first saw the trailer I was already swept away by the trailer music that was used "Journey To The Line (another track that was composed by Hans Zimmer and was also used in trailer for "Man Of Steel" and "X-Men: Days Of Future Past!)

I have many black friends in my life who I honor and cherish just as much as anyone else that I know. I am pretty sure that everyone now follows the same lifestyle about equality and I bloody hope so. Hearing the white bastards in the film calling them the "N" word so much was so tough enduring for myself as I hate that word, it's so provocative and racist to throw around the film and in the real world. It was just as hard listening to the gangster talk in the game Grand Theft Auto V but their's no denying that was a good game!

One awful scene was "Michael Fassbender" and his bitch wife ordering Solomon to whip Patsey because they were both crazy and prejudice to a higher level. Seeing that innocent man at gunpoint whip a friend was an unbelievable sight to see. Another was near the beginning when a woman was crying loudly for a few scenes due to being seperated from her 2 young children after being sold and soon she was dragged away, screaming Solomon's name while he just stood there and watched in despair.
During the film, through all the pain I watched Solomon Northup and his other slavers endure at the hands of awful heartless people that even I would fight during that time, I couldn't help but wonder how the actors could get into character so well since this was an adaption on someones story from our history. I wondered how on the film sets, the actors were friendly with each other since we don't see that kind of footage enough during films that break your heart or re-tell tragic moments in time. It's weird how the audience is shaped into hating and disliking actors thanks to their specific role in any film, I mean we love them for iconic performances but how can we accept or hold onto the reality of them acting out a role that not only makes them villains but also someone to cause great pain to others (in this case an adaption).

The outcome to this rant and film review, left me shedding tears of joy as justice was served at last (only you can see that for yourself). However I was left dishearten while reading the epilogue notes of Solomon's legacy. How not everything was settled and mystery shrouded his final moments in reality with his chances of prosecuting the bastards that sold him into slavery to when and how he passed away? When I left the cinema with mum, I said to her with a strong facial expression "every human needs to see this film in their life-time!" I hold that statement true and make myself never forget about how humans once lived on this earth and treated others like a lower-class species. As I said above, it was the salvation of President Abraham Lincoln that seized the right to eliminate a law that would allow black people the right to live peacefully with the white people. That is something to be proud of and honor forever, proving how not everyone is the same and how one man can make a difference in changing human history for the greater good.
I can't imagine living a life of regret if such a law still existed to this day, I wouldn't feel human.

Does My Taste In Music Influence/ Affect My Emotions?

After careful consideration and looking over my progress so far, not only am I proud that the Blog has reach just over 700 views in total within the 1st month already! But also how I have slightly "strayed" off the topic in general with some reviews that got the better of me, so now I am heading back to the topic in general! Raising Autism Awareness! So now I am sharing a post about how I read deeply into how my taste in music affects my feelings/ emotions at the time, choosing a song at the time and if listening to specific genres can affect my emotions at all?!

Now if that made any sense? During my college days when my best friends got me into "Alternative" music that isn't the stuff that gets overplayed everyday in the charts, I noticed that it was tough most days deciding what to play on my Iphone/ Laptop while scrolling through my collection. Was it due to my slight OCD? The weather? How I felt at the time?

Thanks to my wide-collection of genres and my huge taste in music, I have almost every genre and I prefer specific genres like "Electronic" mostly, "Ambient" for relaxing moments, "Alternative", "Rock" and a bit of "Nu Metal" during fun head-banging moments and sometimes anxious/ upset times, bit of "Pop" that doesn't get overplayed on the radio and "Soundtracks" from animes/ films/ video games (weird taste right?)
Now while I'm laying things out on the table, do any of you feel the same way? I mean it's hard and in my case "not done enough on record" for me to switch on my Iphone/ Laptop and choose a random song or use the "Shuffle" button and try and mix-up playlists rather than playing whole albums and sometimes over and over again while not playing stuff that hasn't even been heard yet in my collection!

I strongly believe that "There is a time and a place for specific kinds of Music to be played!" I'm not speaking on behalf of everyone. But I have grown a custom to unconditionally or maybe subliminally choose certain "Artists" or "Genres" depending on my current location, the weather or time of day, the mood I'm feeling or how much time I've got to kill?!
For instance when I'm stressed or annoyed, I like listening to some "Rock", "Alternative" or "Nu Metal" e.g. Linkin Park because listening to someone scream I feel is comforting because seeing as I can't scream right away (as I would cause a scene), so I rely on listening to someone else do it for me! Ironically it sounds like I'm not helping myself since I figure most people would choose something more "Pop" or positive tracks, but for me I do too sometimes but I guess I prefer it this way!
I even sing to myself quietly because it's nice to sing along with your music blasting through your headphones! I know I'm no X Factor material and don't want to be judged, but everyone shouldn't feel limited in singing along quietly or even loudly when alone (doesn't matter if you can or can't!)

Another person I also enjoy is the "Electronic" band Owl City so much thanks to how "Adam Young"'s lyrics are layed out like stories that are so spontanious that you can't keep track and listening to it more you begin to compose a pattern. Not only that, his lyrics range from such barmy topics like the environment, animals, life and most of all romance (that isn't just sex), the kind of beautiful, soppy love that even I would cater to when I find it someday. I love listening to Owl City and some of "Adam Young's" "Ambient" work on peaceful days, blue sky/ sunset times or solitary moments as I feel like this kinds of music opens up my mind and encourages creativity in my head as well as produce a smile on my face every time I hear his emotional and beautiful work. I also honor and respect him after learning a while ago, he has slight Aspergers Syndrome too and how he began his music career! If someone like him can feel happy about what he loves doing, then surely I should follow that lifestyle too!

Another reason why my taste in music is spontaneous is because unlike a lot of people, I don't like hearing the same popular tracks being played over and over again on the radio until it becomes unbearable (sounds hypocritical of me seeing as I like routines right?) But actually I can get tired of the same crap sometimes, so I like to expand my genres and see what other Artists there are along with some who might not be recognised enough for their talent. And sometimes it's better to hear something else that isn't just these so called "Artists" speaking with some drum & bass or electronic scratching robot music. Even the tracks that are just people talking about clubbing/ drinking/ sex etc and these people get paid millions for such easy work that gets overplayed, sure it's okay for some time but when thinking this is our generation's musical style? Then I prefer to indulge into exotic "Alternative" material while sometimes keeping up with some "Mainstream" material that is always great to hear (just not the crap that gets overplayed to the point of hating the radio station as well as the "Artist" themselves due to the lack of mix up or other work they haven't sent to the stations to play or even something classic! There is one solution... change the station! But how can I at work or anywhere since people love the mainstream stuff till later getting irritated to hearing a song 5-7 times a day every day.

But anyway to conclude this theory, I think it's true about music affects emotions! It doesn't influence violence but just helps set the mood in a way. Sure my way is different but I am slowly beginning to buck up the courage to try out new things such as using the "Shuffle" button or choosing to listen to someone I haven't heard yet (after downloading their stuff off iTunes after a quick playthrough of their work). Besides even I overplay some "Artists" to the point of needing a break from their material and that's when I go back to some work that I probably haven't heard in a couple months. All this juggling of music is something to consider or ponder about but then again it isn't! Music should be enjoyed anywhere and not make me feel limited in decision making. It's tough at the moment since I have shaped myself into this way, however I do actually like it since I feel organised and now I have slightly begun mixing-up my song choices rather than just doing album playthroughs, I just need to widen my areas a bit more and listen to more that has been sitting in my iTunes for several years.

I aim to do some "album" or "artist" reviews in the future on some of my favorite pieces of music along with some more game/ film reviews while sharing some of my history and how autism was involved.

RYSE: Son Of Rome (Game Review)

Men, here beith a game that makes you feel like a Gladiator or a man with the strength of 300! Where blades bleed and shields shatter and the courage of one man can lead an entire legion into the heart of battle against the Celtic Barbarian bastards, for we are men of ROME!
Actually this isn't working (this whole ancient dialect thingy I'm trying to do) so let's get down to bloody business in one of Xbox Ones beloved masterpieces from the men at Crytek (who bought you The Crysis Trilogy), here's an ancient tale of revenge, war and full on carnage in RYSE: Son Of Rome!

The game is told from Roman Centurion Marius Titus (in a "In medias res" which means narrating a story through the mid-point instead of the beginning) who tells the greedy Emperor Nero his story that durates 10 years prior to their situation at the moment with the Celtic Barbarians overrunning the palace. The cutscenes show the story through Greek/ Roman statues carved on a very very long wall (Roman Transition) while Marius narrates his history from losing his family to barbarian scum to immediately joining the 14th Legion to help serve the empire and soon lead up to where the beginning fight took place. The story proved how spoilt and rude the rich really are, how soldiers are fighting for a sad and tainted cause that makes their love for Rome something worth losing (if that makes sense).
Also another small spoiler is the mythical tale of "Damocles" and a Goddess known as "Nemesis" help make the story's purpose towards Marius more personal as well as more historical.

 

The graphics are astounding (I mean what else are you to expect from those beautiful High Definition graphics that were in The Crysis Trilogy?) The landscapes were beautiful, magnificent and realistic thanks to how much effort the creators have spent putting into this graphical war game. The detail on Marius is accurately detailed like when his Armour glistens in the sun and soon after a important moment in the story when he comes out of a muddy river, his character is so detailed it looks too good to be real (weird moment to compliment the character though). One of my proudest moments in the game was witnessing the blurry graphics brighten up and glow as I stepped into the Colosseum and see the field switch around like a 3D chessboard with different environments to make it more challenging than just a huge sandpit. The bloody content is so awesome and it's what I think draws gamers to this along with the HD content, I mean with all the slaughtering, throat stabbing, decapitating, arm slicing combat that strongly emits an ancient Romanian age of combat. This is what makes this such a definitive game for the Xbox One.

 

The controls are fairly easy (they just take a whole load of time and patience to master) but this game tests all your "cat-like reflexes" as you press A to block, B to dodge, X to slash and Y to kick/ break defence and RT to enter execution mode and press Y or X according to the enemy flashing colour as you watch them die a painful death at the hands of your mighty sword! You also get to man the "Scorpion" a powerful bow that helps you sniper out the oncoming fools who will soon fall to your arrow.
I loved the design on making the Health and Focus, a sword that was red for health and white for focus. Smart design no doubt about it!
Another different mechanic in the game is ordering your men to create a formation (preferably a "Turtle Shell" formation to creep forward, while holding down the A button to shield yourselves then holding down RT to aim and throw your spears at the archers). Also you can call your soldiers to fire a rain of arrows "Fire Volley" during huge fights. Lastly you must remember to switch between gaining "Power", Focus", "XP" or "Health" by using the D-Pad to help you stay alive and gain your chosen remedy after killing and finishing combos successfully.

One thing that puzzles me and because of the way I think, I wonder how in real-life and history could men have the stamina and strength to fight for ages and ages, taking slashes and continuing on their chosen path. I doubt even Adrenaline Rush could keep men going (video games and real-life combat are far too different to compare). Where do men find this strength and will to fight on and on without rest and recuperation and not even a tea break?

The combat was heavily criticised by everyone for being "too repetitive". Well I agree but then again I suppose it's easier than the fighting games that involve button bashing combos and luckily this game helps simplify it all to just 4 buttons that help you slaughter and kick ass. The style of combat is amazing as it shows real ferocious sword and shield attacks which proves the game has taken real fighting style/ techniques that are used in films like "Troy" and "Gladiator" I feel (Marius reminds me of the legendary warrior Achilles!)
When Russell Crowe said the famous quote in "Gladiator" - "Are you not entertained?" I felt that it was necessary to reply with "Yes I am entertained! Thank you for asking"!

I am happy but I also sigh a little as the combat wasn't something to be totally amazed by when it comes to controls and a bit of free-roaming but as for performance I think it was flawless but quite hard to keep up the combos (for achievement purposes) because the "fat barbarians" with sword and shields and the "heavy barbarians" always broke my combos when I was aiming for the 100x combo, but luckily so far achieved mostly 30-55x near mid way after practising and learning each class of barbarian's attack style.

Upgrading your skills and perks are vital in order to survive the onslaught that awaits you and if you should die, you can upgrade yourself then before continuing. You can pay for upgrading skills with "Valor" (XP you earn) or with "Gold" what you buy on the Xbox Live Marketplace (yeah like I'd do that?!)
A lot of achievements are awarded to the players if you are willing to scour, scavenge and search every nook and cranny of the locations. Scrolls from dead soldiers, Shields (Vista) and Chronicles are everywhere and luckily can be identified by a green aura that glows when you are near them. I must have taken far longer than expected to collect them all plus if actual gamers were watching me, they'd probably think I was a nutter just taking my time by travelling the corners of the areas looking for crap.

The levels range from Roman palaces to Sherwood Forest, later Northern Forest (that looks very much like Mirkwood from The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug) and soon a siege in York, Britain and the final levels well you'll have to see for yourself (you even get the pleasure of a trip to a very explicit strip club).
The Multiplayer is what keeps the hype of the game going after it's limited 8 levels. You step into the Colosseum and hear the crowd cheer as you get ready to give them a show of your skills and let your victims taste your blade. Choose a Roman God to support as well as reward you with tidings that will benefit you to keep on going.

Finally to conclude this tale, the ending was not bad (fairly like Gladiator, in fact the whole tale was like Gladiator to be honest). Settling the score with those that deserved to die was the right choice it seemed. The final kill was creative and impressive to see "a stuffed pig skewered for the world to see"! Thus concludes my review on a ancient tale that can only be re-lived on the Xbox One.