I was originally going to call this post "My Autistic Behaviour with Rock, Metalcore and Screaming!"
I don't want anyone to worry or think different of me (that's the last thing I'd want). I dont have mental problems/ issues (paranoia, schizophrenia, bipolar etc), I'm just expressing so much to help others and myself understand how I've been feeling deep down so that I can feel much better!
During these last few months, I've been having fun and enjoying myself but it sucks that life's
cruel reality is to work 5 days a week and I now have to motivate myself into going to gym and to slowly but surely get round to learning Code (IT Programming) when I'm not getting distracted after work. But because of this atmosphere I sometimes suffer in silence and I retreat to the option of putting one earphone in and shutting out the world and just trying to focus on my music to comfort me whilst working hard all the time. I really need to push myself once this is post is done and look into maybe The Open University or talk to some friends on purchasing creative apps so that things can take off and I will head back onto the main road and go into IT in the future, which is something I've always wanted to do and I'm sure it'll happen pretty soon when my balance isn't low.
So anyway, I've been listening to a lot of Rock, Alternative and Metalcore for a while now because I'm always tired, stressed, anxious and impatient with things. I think these emotions have stirred up my feelings on these bands but have also opened my mind to some subliminal messages that I'm beginning to discover and consider using them as examples/ reasons why I have turned out like this!
So let's start off from the beginning.
So I want to mention some bands as examples and use their lyrics to help show off my music taste as well as dramatically and emotionally tie in to my own twisted feelings. Like always, don't worry about me, people. I am just talking, there's no need to worry about me, I just think deeply about things and this is the kind of Autism or personality I seem to show when I'm in a bad place. But a lot of you know the real me, which is what really matters! And you know how much fun I can be, how much love I have to give and how I really am! So Thank you!
By the way, the YouTube vids can't be watched on here, just click on the "Watch On YouTube" button if you're interested or curious to listen (I hope you do) *wink*
Go to the toilet, grab a snack/ drink and a seat cause this is gonna take a while...
These were one of (maybe the first) bands I was ever shown that I was instantaneously hooked on after hearing Papercut...
The first time I properly discovered them was during the credits of the first Transformers film where What I've Done was played at the end. Then Lewis introduced me to all their stuff since that song was from their third album.
Breaking The Habit (learning to control my actions and words and wondering if they are the reason why I feel this confused), A Place For My Head (when everything becomes too much to handle), Nobody's Listening (explaining my dark feelings), Leave Out All The Rest (feeling sorry for myself and regretting my actions and wondering if I need help) etc. I could list much more but instead I've left the links to the playlists unless you're already a hardcore LP fan already *fistbumps the screen*. Even their Reanimation album is unique and equals to the first album's awesomeness.
It's still good and fun to just rock out and shout and rap along to every song, some of my favs are Don't Stay, which I wish they had played Live when I saw them.
When I saw them live at Download Festival 2014, it was like a dream come true. I sung my heart out to every song they played as I knew all the lyrics as did Lewis and it shows right now that even if I'm using their work in a serious and low mood, they still produce amazing work and I'm glad I was introduced to them by my best friend. THE SAME GOES TO EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE POST.
Back then, I hid away my problems and just enjoyed one of the best days of my life seeing a band that have been there for me and I am proud to be a fan and to have been there and then on that momentous occasion.
*They must be insanely awesome live!* especially during the crowd chant to the most important part of this song! (3:00) and to see everyone fist bump the air in synchronisation like they were born to do it!
Plus I need to get round to looking at their first album, though sadly their newest album tones down the hype and awesomeness a little for me. But I think he'll do an interesting performance in the new Suicide Squad film.
I've mentioned a couple times on AsperJosh and included music videos during my CTE live post.
I love these Aussie guys and think their work is awesome. They're first album was surprisingly hardcore thanks to the lyrics and heavy instruments they did. The 2nd album is mixed but softer a bit on the vocals and their EP is a great acoustic mix of several of their songs from their previous album (all definitely worth a listen).
I'll leave a couple vids to prove it.
Andrew "Andy Leo" is the head of the band and I think is a mixed vocalist on both clean and unclean vocals (even his scream equals on power and awesomeness to Davids).
The ferocity and duration of David's voice is amazing and talented (plus it's like the highest level that I can endure and just about understand the lyrics).
I have both their albums so far and I'm proud to have seen em live. I love a lot of their songs and am trying to introduce them to a lot of my friends. I love how all songs are cloaked in the same theme and atmosphere (even if it's a little too heavy), I like the dedication and plot and it helps them stand out to many bands I know.
Song songs including Initiation, I love Initiation's theme of a trial to join the Rebellion (plus there is that Air Raid sound effect and that epic guitar in the background to the second chorus) "Nobody will come into the dark and save me" is the clear fact that only I can help myself.
And The Fallout, Makeshift Chesmitry, Menace and Evidence are several of my fav songs from them.
I like their style in lyrics and topics like a story of rebellion against the system of oppression (basically Rebels struggling to fight against an Empire during the Fallout). It's intriguing that their music videos are all linked and follow a story to their topic in a way (like Gorillaz).
But overall, they are awesome and really worth a listen! I'm now part of The Runaways.
Whenever I'm listening to their EP and 10/10 self-titled album, I feel like I'm in a rock mood with both sad and happy emotions running through. Strangely I believe in my own weird way that their music is like having an Angel (Tyler Carter) and Devil (Michael Bohn) on my shoulders since they blend perfectly together. They create feelings like feeling sorry for myself for the negative side of my condition and how I give into pressure, confusion, anger and hatred with many reasons but the main reason that they are feeling it too with sympathy.
I dug deep into the lyrics and saw how Tyler is (in a non criticism way) hurt and affected from a woman and can see why from the actions of himself or others and that Michael is expressing the rage, anger and dark actions to make these Issues less bad (if that makes sense). They both comfort each other and I felt that they were comforting me in a special way as I connect their words to situations in my life or to people.
Tyler, Michael were originally part of a slightly heavier band called Woe, Is Me and ended up splitting in 2013 to form Issues (everyone was worried it was gonna be Woe 2.0, but they certainly stand out from their previous work). Plus Hance Alligood went on after Woe to make Favorite Weapon whom I also found same time as Issues.
Never Lose Your Flames (acoustic version)
Every song is awesome to listen to (even their cover of Justin Bieber's Boyfriend, I really enjoy Sad Ghost, Life Of A Nine, The Langdon House and Tears On The Runway (Part 2) and Hooligans.
It's surprising and pleasant to hear his voice without heavy music playing in the background for a change.
I really can't wait for when he releases an album or more work (I'm totally fanboying over him haha).
He is quite popular as he has been a guest in many songs (too many to list) but I will mention a few: Breathe Carolina (another great band I discovered in December with this album, Slaves (a good post-hardcore band with no screaming like HLH) and Jamie's Elsewhere and the best thing about all of them is that it's thank to searching up Tyler Carter on iTunes that I discovered all these other bands too!
And I think it's really sweet that he came out as Bisexual (good on him) during a Twitter rant where an employee was fired for supporting gay right... That's not cool man!
But I really do love these guys and I love the whole opposite attraction behind both voices!
My imagination sparks like fire and before I know it, I'm imagining/ re-imagining fight scenes from films, I'm imagining apocalyptic fights because I'm bored or inspired or just creating music videos from bits and pieces like it's nothing (too bad all the copyright laws and getting hold of those clips/ moments from DragonBall Z, Chronicle, Prototype etc) is tough and impossible for me to try and create and show on YouTube).
Aspergers Interview with last year. Having formed in 2013, they've been playing live for 2 years and counting. They have played at local venues but have had bigger gigs and crowds up in London and down in Brighton.
You may recognise them from playing live with other bands including Vanity Draws Blood, A Night In The Abyss and She Must Burn.
Check out their Facebook and Instagram for more details!
I like Sempiternal because it was an explosive and powerful collection of heavy rock/ metalcore which was new for me and it was a much easier album to get into compared to their old deathcore stuff.
I admire how he came out on top and became a changed man all by himself despite being encouraged to turn his faith to God which he refused to since only he could help himself instead of putting his faith in something that doesn't exist (something we both believe). Sorry to Theists who are reading this.
I guess in my own way without comparing my troubles to his on an equal scale, I'm trying to overcome my own sense of depression/ anxiety problems so that I can go back to being a better me for everyone.
I love this genre, well it's mixed actually.
So wrap your arms around me, and leave me on my own.
Everything I touch turns to stone, turns to stone.
So wrap your arms around me, and leave me on my own".
Here's a funny link involving Patrick Starfish from Spongebob Squarepants that somebody made. Plus people often confuse Sempiternal with the words Sandpit Turtle (either way it's funny).
I also like their BBC Radio 1 Live Lounge performance of the song (that would have been cool to hear on the radio at work or whilst driving back then).
Throne was my personal favourite, I like how you can take so much pain and crap and use it to help make you stronger, something I need to learn to do. Avalanche has some serious lyrics about being lost and how pain can affect us physically and mentally (something I'm feeling).
Oli's words reach out to me on how when your stuck and feel like your done for that you need help and all of this has to stop. Part of the solution is help from others but it's actually on you that can save yourself and bring you back to peace.
It's like I'm looking for a hand to reach out to me from my friends and family after every thing that I'm feeling and having said, this hand will help lift me up along with this uplifting song and bring me out of this hole that I've dug myself in.
Dramatic and psychological as it may be, I know that all these feelings are helping me grow up and that I am getting back up after all this stress so that I can get back into seeing my life more positively instead of being swept away by this whirlpool of emotions.
I'm going to try to follow his words and begin to change my views for the better!
See the video for better detail.
He even has his own clothing range called DropDead, I'm really interested in this from there and I do have a BMTH Sempiternal Tank-top and Shadow Moses T-shirt from Impericon during Christmas last year.
I normally zone out and tuck away into my head as the music is playing in one earphone but I can't help but notice the way I have become.
But it's all due to change and not being able to express myself correctly and sadly things are the way they are and I can't adjust to it so easily or feel cool about it.
I wonder if deep down this music is really influencing or corrupting my behaviour. I'm not saying I should stop listening for good because then I may as well stop playing violent video games, watching adult films or laughing at dark humour. It's too late to stop and believe this theory. I just need to tone down the anxiety and digging deeper into things so easily. I gotta stop being so serious and stuff.
Is this my Aspergers? To dig too deep into things that I create a hole and can't get out of it alone? "But I know that I'm loved by many for the way I am!" I need to keep looking at that poster I have in my room more often!
I just need to learn and teach myself to stop always blaming myself or thinking that it's always my fault (sometimes I've done nothing wrong). If people change their views on me or can't handle me or even choose to ignore me, I can't beat myself up when I'm always trying my best to be myself even if I can be a handful or too much. I once tried to be someone else and hold back on showing my true colours and even though I felt very uncomfortable and anxious about it all, I know I have true friends in my life who like and love me for the way I am. And that's something unique and special about myself.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for taking your time to read my thoughts as always. I know I've come across as serious and stuff. But life can only get better if I learn to stop focusing on the bad times and look forward to the good times ahead.
I may even look into one of those Adult Colouring Books for relieving stress off Amazon.
I'm trying to listen to more uplifting music (some examples include:)
And I have a Date for Valentines! I've been talking to her for a week and feel really happy talking to her so we've got a day out in Brighton... I hope the weather is nice. Ha, this is the first Valentines that I'm actually excited for.
Like the song below, things can only get better once you've released your stress. Life is wonderful for me and... The Best Is Yet To Come!
Plus Dad showed me this spectacular video last night and said "If you ever feel down or anything, just watch this. It shows just how big our Universe really is and how something small can make a huge difference!"