Learning From A Very Short Relationship

I never thought that this year I would experience falling in love even for a short amount of time. I'm not here to talk about "her" who doesn't really want to be mentioned on here, rather I want to express my own feelings of happiness, lessons learned and how it's all made me a better person.
I briefly mentioned a couple posts ago about how I met a special woman in June. I really really liked her and she liked me too. Our first date was so chill and honest to an unbelievable scale that we learnt so much about each other on the first date whilst lying in a field talking for hours. I was with her for just under a month and learnt lessons, tips and how to be myself around a kind woman who liked everything about me. Everything was going perfectly until some life changing choices (I won't say what) were made by her and shortly after, distance and time had become a stone in my shoe. I really tried to make it work and I know it was fun while it lasted. I couldn't handle it anymore, everything had changed and it wasn't quite the same and I just wasn't so sure anymore. So I couldn't lie to myself or her anymore about false hope or patience.

So I saw her this week on Tuesday to confirm our status as to what we were. I got my answers and she explained them calmly as we reviewed everything. I understand everything and the best thing is that I TOO can see why this wasn't going to work. So it didn't work out sadly, but that doesn't mean that I'm left with nothing. I've gained confidence, tips and important experience from something that just wasn't going to work no matter what we both could've tried.
I don't know what we will be from now on, but right now I need to focus on more important things such as getting my Africa Camera within 3 weeks and living the next 2 weeks with my Sis whilst Mum and Dad are on holiday. I'll be learning to cook certain meals since it's now a good time to turn my attention towards that, at last.

Despite my positive outlook on this experience, before I got to the conclusion with her,
Part of me was Mad At Myself for thinking that I gave up or missed my chance with someone that I thought would be the one. And the other was annoyed at how sudden the change happened and how little honesty was shared before it was sprung on me.

Though it's not all that bad, I'm rather proud of myself for having used that small amount of courage to randomly add someone on Facebook and actually speak to her. And before I knew it, we were both on our first date and loving everything about each other and being unbelievably honest with one another without holding anything back.
Even if it didn't work out, I had something even if it never made to Facebook or lasted long anyway. I don't hate her or anything, it just feels funny that we both could see the answer and came to a good understanding instead of a heated argument or anything dramatic like something from Eastenders.
Sure I have mixed emotions like spending the last few days randomly listening between 3 types of music lyrics relating to my feelings:
Bring Me The Horizon (Anger at the failure plus screaming helps like I've mentioned here), Kodaline (Sympathy for loss) and Jamie Lawson (Hope for the future).
I have no reason to hate her or encourage others to say/ think things about her, the fact that we both were aware of the outcome makes it neutral and far better to feel than any other outcome that I could have imagined.

 

I haven't written this small post up for sympathy or messages about "Don't worry mate, it's her loss!" or "Things will get better, bro!". I've written this up as a reminder to myself and to others who may even be in my situation or still feel alone. It's all fine and okay. I have good things coming my way! I mean I had Thorpe Park last Saturday with my mates. I have Cathy and then Mils's Birthdays in August which are always major highlights of the summer. I have Africa in under 2 months (had my last Hepatitis A + B jab on Wednesday #ouchie). Plus with this new sense of happiness and confidence, I have the opportunity to FINALLY get round to the LONG DELAYED I.T. practise in Coding and hopefully Animation and stuff within a week or two once I've seen Luna.

 

All this has been a rollercoaster of excitement, fear and doubt since this was my first attempt at love. I have no serious hatred or anything horrible to say about her, for she helped bring out the best in me and for once, I felt appreciated for everything about myself and felt special to one. And I know that this was all worth it with no regrets. I know that this was the start of something and even if it didn't work out in the end, it's a huge step forward in my life, confidence and self-esteem which is what really counts. I wish her all the best and thank her for everything (it sounds weird to thank someone for a failed relationship) but seeing as I myself couldn't see this continuing and it wasn't under broken trust but rather better understanding and we both had fun while it lasted.

Even Jamie Lawson speaks the truth:

"Don't worry, don't worry, if you can't find love in a hurry.

Don't fret, don't fret, know love hasn't given up yet.

It's hard worn, hard worn, and love doesn't care what you've done. 

There's someone here for everyone."

And most importantly, I still have the best people in my life who love me for myself like she did and that there are still amazing days ahead for me. One Day I will be with someone and this experience doesn't mean I should give up, I should more likely feel more like "a catch" and to believe more that Love will find me when I least expect it (I mean I got lucky once when I was least expecting it a week before Tough Mudder) so I'm bound to find someone again soon. And then we can be together In Our Own World.

Until then I'll keep being me and enjoy everything coming my way with the best people in my life!