I understand I started the year off with a mixed feeling New Years post but this post is a much more uplifting and positive post to not only celebrate 3 Years of AsperJosh but to state how things are really looking up and 2017 might be the year of change for me!
My first post of the year came off a bit too serious due to being ill and tired. But the good news is that this year has started out rather better than I'd expected. I've been re listening to blink-182 for the last 2 weeks and been making plans for the year and looking into new challenges.
Most importantly, I've begun to realise how people see me and that I know that I'm friends with the right people and shouldn't have to doubt it due to the distance or lack of contact. Until ties are cut theres no need to be paranoid or so sensitive to communication.
And until people say otherwise, then I'm just a little tired and I'm just overanalysing or misreading the situation and don't need to get so worked up or think the worst like I did, last year.
2016 has been incredible:
- Deadpool came out at last and I saw it with Kathy and Kurt.
- I expressed my deep feelings about Anxiety and my relations to Metal and Rock music lyrics.
- I had a date for Valentine's Day (first time in forever) shame I didn't get a second one ha.
- Loads of amazing friends came to defend my honour when a b*tch criticised my sad status in February. (see NY 2017 post at bottom for embedded code post link).
- Pokemon turned 20 Years old at the end of February (still and always will be a fan).
- I finally managed to buy FFVII for only £16 in March... only got round to playing it a month ago.
- Went and saw Captain America: Civil War with Kathy and Kurt.
- After 6 and a half years, I left my first job!
- Saw Issues Live with Lewis.- I wrote up my 100th AsperJosh post about my Primary School days.
- I celebrated my 23rd Birthday with Franklin, Kurt and Leanne.
- I was in a short Relationship for the first time ever and learned a lot from it.
- Pokemon Go came out.
- Went to Thorpe Park with Leanne and all the others (8 years since my first visit during school days).
- Collected my Africa Gear and had my Jabs.
- I wrote up my deep thoughts and relations to Clannad and Clannad After Story.
- I wrote up what happened during my time at The Forest School and was rewarded with such positive comfort and I accepted my past.
- I went to South Africa for 10 days with Franklin and all his friends and family.
- I did my 2nd Tough Mudder (much easier than my 1st one).
- I wrote up about my 3 Years Of Training at the Pavilions In The Park and how I've come to terms with my body's limits but am happy with what I have achieved so far.
- I enjoyed MCM Comic-Con again with my friends and managed to see loads of people all within a day.
- Saw Bring Me The Horizon Live with Kathy.
- I revisited the Isle Of Man and achieved some amazing first try Star Photography.
- I finally got Snapchat.
- I saw Rogue One: A Star Wars Story with Dad.
- I created my South Africa 30min video and trailer (first IT creation since college years).
- Had an amazing Christmas Day and Boxing Day with my family and nights out with my friends during the week.
- I celebrated New Years with my best group of friends!
Since my New Years Day post which after sharing, made me feel worried that I'd gone over the top on expressing some mixed and dark thoughts. I somehow believed that it was the best time to express these feelings instead of on my 3rd Anniversary. I admit that I has been ill and tired for a long while which is one of the reasons for my glumness. But the good news is that things have turned out rather spontaneous and positive since then.
I randomly remembered how I love the blink-182 album Enema Of The State so I added it to my iPhone 5S and then decided to purchase Neighbourhoods (because I loved "Wishing Well") and I've been overplaying them and a couple of their other albums (including "Dammit") and I've been feeling more hyper and enthusiastic.
It's funny how I do my best to listen to all genres of music but end up listening to Rock and believe that I'm upset because of it. When it's actually the wrong view to believe, I love Rock, Metal and everything else and shouldn't believe that music influences me negatively but actually the opposite way since blink-182 have been making me feel good at work and whilst driving too.
I've been saying for nearly a year and half that I'd go back into Coding since I purchased my Macbook Pro. It's been a huge and endless procrastination struggle, really. I felt ashamed and embarrassed that I'd left it this long to have not continued something that I was good at back at college, 4 years ago.
Mum bought me a guide book for a children's Coding For Beginners called SCRATCH. I left it in my room since my birthday last year and felt like it was one of those things (like in films) where the character knows they must do it yet they have that inner struggle to take the first approach and just do it...That's why I promised myself and promised Mum that I would show her that I would "get back on the horse" (don't know how that metaphor applies right now) and I would brush off my negative rudimentary feelings about this childish coding website and just go with it because CodeAcademy turned out to be too much for me after 10 mins of trying back in 2016.
During the New Year so far, I've read a few pages of the book and remembered a lot of facts about the basics of coding and I signed up to the online website to try out the basic coding and animation courses. It's still a super slow process and isn't easy to commit to since I have the attention span of a sparrow and when I come home from work, I just become entranced by my gaming consoles and social media routines as well as gym nights, ya know.
I really really tried to make a start this week but I've been low on energy and I was so pleased anyway for having gone back to the gym twice last week and hopefully twice this week by Friday which is a great pick back up again after my month long delay due to being ill.
This and maybe a bit of SCRATCH will be my work for the year to help me become confident in Coding once again like the good old days.
Last Saturday, I went out and celebrated Stephen's 25th at LB1 with Shannon and some of their friends. I've known Stephen since Evans Cycles and I met him on Dave's Stag Do last year.
He's very hyper, cheeky and confident which I like about him and it's touching that after saying the week before last on a status that I'd like to catch up with him and Shannon next time that he'd invite me to his 25th. I got him a naughty and funny card to say thank you for inviting me along.So I hated over to Charlwood to stay over theirs after we'd all partied out at LB1. Their place was great and I was really pleased to see pictures of the house that Stephen and Shannon are looking into for 2017 (I really hope they get it because it looks amazing and they deserve it!) We got a Taxi to LB1 and Shannon, Claire and I were singing Disney songs (hadn't even touched a load of alcohol yet) lol whilst Stephen and Chris were trying to ignore us.
We met a load more of the others already there including Taylor, Tanya and Simon etc. I was surprised but also amazed by Shannon saying outside how she's studying how to help children with Autism. I am so pleased with her interest and I shared some school memories and links to my posts for more info and detail. And we promised that I'd show her Rain Man sometime this year and some other films too. We all drunk a lot and danced to great old school stuff from the 90s and some classics like Bob Marley and Sean Paul etc. I recorded a lot on SnapChat with loads of spelling mistakes due to the amount I drunk.
I also unexpectedly bumped into Makenna (a lady who worked with my Mum last year), it was her birthday the next day so we shared a picture to show Mum tomorrow. She gave her love and best wishes to me and Mum and said she'd love to see us again soon and hope's we're all doing great, same to her.Stephen managed to be ill (respectively in bushes and in the gents) a couple times during our preparation to leave near 2:00am. And I crashed on their sofa for the night. And had Toast and Tea with them both in the morning till I was fit to drive (I had drunk 4 Long Islands + Vodka and Coke + half a Bud + a Jaeger Bomb = Dizzy Josh).
I loved seeing them both again and look forward to next time, hopefully soon and I wish them the best and hope they get that house!
She was great and likes a lot of Anime like me and I think soon we'll do an Anime day or something to binge shows that we fail to get round to.
And last night, I had dinner at Wagamama with Liam (whom I have known since Chesworth). Honestly, he's been one of my best friends in my life and knows me like the back of my hand "we're thick as thieves". We have failed to speak or meet up occasionally over the last 2 years due to our lives becoming busy and stuff but I've been seeing him at the gym several times last year and we'd get chatting and recently it's been feeling like my College years all over again.So I suggested dinner to catch up since there was a lot to catch up on and share our past year, current plans and future intentions with one another. It feels great to be so cool and easy to talk with people on the same level, right? I feel it's the first of many more times together. He's been a great help in reassurance on some people that I've realised my indifference with some but it's okay and that we both realise that we are still good together and I love that despite the lack of communication.
This year's highlights and plans so far include:
- Keep relearning to Code and learn new things like Photoshop and Animation!
- Volunteering to help out at The Nuts Challenge with Claire, Aimy and the others on the 3rd March.
- Watching the Kingdom Hearts Orchestra (with someone).
- Hopefully make my Mewtwo Cosplay (Human Form - Gijinka) for May's Comic-Con.
- Doing a new Mud Obstacle challenge with Chris and Claire.
- Doing my 1st Nuts Challenge with Claire, Aimy and the others in September.
- Do my 3rd Tough Mudder with maybe a new team (first timers).
- Don't know which but I think I might be going to Amsterdam or Thailand with Franklin and some others during the year.
- And I'll get my first Tattoo this year (maybe on my inner forearm if my veins are acceptable) or on my shoulder.
- And keep up the Photography creativity and go places to get the shots!
I know that I always come across as a man who forgets how good he's got it and how far he's come... I am telling myself every time I feel bad and know I have Anxiety that I say now that "it's just a phase!" I won't be like this forever and I don't wake up every day feeling awful or so negative. I've realised what sets me off and I have begun to reassure myself by saying that "If you are still friends on Facebook then you are for real" and "Some people don't respond to your comments because sometimes you don't need a response but it doesn't mean that they are ignoring you on purpose. Sometimes people like to keep to themselves compared to how open I am, which is okay". I forget that everybody has similar feelings like me and I forget to realise that easily.I've been writing down positive notes on my phone with uplifting quotes that I discover as well as write down a short sentence (enough for me to recognise quickly) of videos and memories that will make me smile and chuckle quickly since it's a good psychological technique to cheering myself up again as well as snapping me out of it and dragging me away from the raincloud above my head.
This year is going to be GREAT! I just know it! Every year is amazing, full of memories and achievements that I accomplished on my own and with my friends too. My anxious behaviour and thoughts are just a small percentage of me since deep down I'm hyper and can impersonate like Robin Williams, cheeky like Ryan Reynolds and I have a big heart. I'll never stop being me (even if I can be annoying with the constant checks with friends about if I did something or said something annoying when 8/10 chances that I've misunderstood everything again) ha.
I'm blessed with an amazing life and amazing friends and some who are like family. I have loads more Anime to share including AKIRA, Neon Genesis Evangelion (Anime and Films), Ghost In The Shell (the 1995 Anime and Live-Action Film) since the Clannads turned out so amazingly well. I think I'll write up about my history and reviews on the Pokemon series and Yu-Gi-Oh too since they are classics and my first time Anime's for me.
There's more upcoming Anime coming soon like Attack On Titan Season 2 (I already know what's coming thanks to the Manga) and we have loads of awesome movies for 2017 too!
So stay tuned for more this year! For more stories as well as me re learning a thing or two about Coding, living my Life no matter what and improving my Mental Health by remembering to Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life! *whistles tune*.
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